Your Olympics Update
Michael Phelps swims.
This has been your Olympics Update.
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August 18th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Okay, that’s funny, but annoyingly accurate too, which is I guess what makes it funny, which is also what makes it annoyingly accurate…er…something.
So the other day I’m watching American mens beach volleyball with Rogers and Godzilla (no, Suz, not Pregzilla, his name is actually Dalhauser, but since he’s like 6′ 457,937″, we will call him Godzilla for the remainder of this comment), playing against the Swiss. Well the Americans, as expected, dominated the first set against the 20th seeded Swiss, one of who was probably the biggest jerk on the planet, btw, but then the Swiss somehow won the second set. So NBC cuts to commercial, and comes back to the match, which has continued in spite of them, and the Americans are down 6-0 or something at the start of the third set, which only plays to 15.
I’m freaking out. But then the Americans rally, and they tie the score up at 9. This is an elimination round, by the way, the loser is out of the Olympics completely, and will probably be fed to a ravenous pack of Wild Chinese dogs or Mongolians. So in this most critical of moments for the top seeded American duo (actually they’re seeded #2, but that’s because of this weird rule in the Olympics, in which the home country’s team gets the #1 seed, no matter how much they may suck. How’s that for home cooking?), and what does NBC do?
“We’re going now to the live 200m women’s backstroke final, but we’ll return for the result of this match.”
My jaw hit China in the butt. “What? WHAT?? WHAAAAAAAAAAT??????” I screamed. And they came back just in time to show that the Americans were up like 14-10, and then they won the match.
Oh, and have I mentioned what the women’s 200m backstroke is like? Slowest. Race. Ever. It was like watching 8 women taking a leisurely stroll across the pool…four times! And at each turn, they were saying, “After you.”
“No, after you.”
“No, no, I insist.”
“Let’s turn together!”
“Oh! Shall we hold hands?”
“Yes, let’s!”
And all the while, I was still screaming, “WHAAAAAAAAAAT????”