Most. Disturbing. Ever.

(shudders)

What you can’t see (thanks to the amazing “no-rez” technology of my phone’s camera) in the picture below taken in the men’s room at Barnes & Noble, is that the seemingly blank green area under the “must wash hands” sign is actually the braille version of, I assume, the same sign.

Three curiosities come to mind:

1. For some reason, it seems a bit cruel to have blind employees at a bookstore.
2. How exactly are blind employees to know that they should rub their fingers along the wall above the paper towel dispenser in order to note the hand-washing policy?
3. What if they already washed their hands before they read the sign? Should they do it again? (I certainly hope so.)

As a more effective alternative, I might suggest that they print the policy in Braille right on the toilet paper. That way, it’s guaranteed to be noticed (at least by those in the number 2 category) and as a bonus it would double as quilting, which the people at Northern have convinced me is a crucial element of any toilet paper .

Thanks to the crack reporting staff at Fox News, not only do we know about the heinously unethical (and likely illegal) behavior of the junior high school district of America’s hero-du-jour, pilot “Sully” Sullenberger, but we can actually peruse the documents which they “accidentally” released to the public! Check out the highlighted area in the image below (click to enlarge):

So if the school district scores an “F”, what does Fox News get? An “E” for enabling? A “P” for perpetuating? How about an “A+” for aiding and abetting? The best part is, I saw this last week and the story is still there complete with documents. I guess the irony still hasn’t dawned on them.

Hey, at least they’re being nice to the guy while they trample on his right to privacy. How about this glowing piece of totally relevant information: “His IQ qualified him for the ‘genius society’ Mensa when he was just 12 years old.” Sadly, the collective IQ at Fox News is apparently equivalent to a more typical 12 year old. One with severe learning disabilities. Maybe they should hire Sully to rescue them from their own stupidity. Whaddaya say, Sully? All they need is your Social Security Number.

Enter SSN here:

I saw this sign on the door of the rec center where Johnson had his first basketball game/sermon (another post perhaps) this morning. I contemplated making it a word of the moment entry,

Founder (n): Somebody what finded somethin’.

but the lack of punctuation (except for the inexplicable string of exclamation points at the end) and poor grammar make it almost impossible to determine the author’s intended meaning with any real confidence. Here are just a few of the possibilities:

1. The author is stating that they lost their dog reward to the founder of the city of Fuquay-Varina (the city where the sign was posted), assumingly in some game of chance. What a “dog reward” is and what act was worthy of such a reward are unclear.
2. The author is seeking help in locating a lost dog. Once the dog is returned, a reward will be given to the founder of the Baptist church (the owners of the rec center where the sign was posted). No compensation for the person who actually locates the dog is mentioned, but perhaps a dog reward would be in order.
3. The author wishes to bestow upon one of the founders of our nation the reward of a lost dog. It is not clear which founding father is to be the beneficiary of said reward, but I think George Washington is the most likely candidate because he cannot tell a lie and would return the dog to it’s rightful owners immediately.
4. A lost dog is offering a reward to anyone with experience running a foundry. Why the dog holds founders in such high esteem is uncertain, as is where it picked up it’s rudimentary word processing skills, but it certainly explains the poor english.

I could go on and on but I have to go look for a lost dog. I hear there’s a reward for the person who founds it!!!!! Maybe I should call Bob.

My 2 year old son is a Thomas the Tank Engine nut, which is as much a joy as you can possibly imagine, getting to watch episodes of Thomas over and over again until I could perform them flawlessly on streetcorners for the delight of passersby.  Well for Christmas I gave him the DVD of the Thomas feature film, entitled The Great Discovery.  The movie is all well and good, narrated by Pierce Brosnan, which is a nice little change from Alec Baldwin and George Carlin, and apparently Ringo Starr, though I’ve never seen any of the episodes he voiced as yet, but give it time. 

At the end of the movie, the usual theme song plays, which I’ve heard already a million times.  It’s fairly annoying with the choir of British kids singing, but otherwise typical stuff and relatively harmless.  To give yourself some context, you should listen to at least the first line or two of it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hw522GIskVc.

The real treat, though, is the new version of the theme song, which plays right after the original version on the DVD.  Got that pencil handy?  Good.  You’ll need it to rupture your eardrums in a second, and probably to jam up your nose in an hour or so for the purpose of self-lobotomization when this gets stuck in your head: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETSz0g9KP-Q.

It’s been a long holiday break from the blogosphere, but among my resolutions for the new year, I’ve determined to become a more committed blogger, feeding what I’m sure is a ravenous readership out there waiting to hear every word that proceeds from the Minds here at the Word.  Sure, I could resolve to lose weight or to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, but I find that lost weight only seeks to be found again later, and on principle I refuse to associate myself with any mountain whose name begins with the syllables “Kill A Man.” 

So instead I’m resolved to waste even more time with my butt glued to my computer chair, living in a fantasy digital world, and since I can’t pwn newbs at work, I SHALL BLOG!!!  You may proceed henceforth to call me Monseigneur Jellybooty…NO NO!  Captain Monseigneur Jellybooty! 

Okay, okay, so I’ll probably just blog the same amount as usual, but I felt like I ought to pay some homage to 2009 as it begins, even if it is just lip service.

And for those of you who actually are part of the already loyal Word readership, here’s a little gem to start your year off on the right foot:
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Burglar_scared_off_by_man_dressed_as_Thor&in_article_id=457205&in_page_id=2

Thanks to Atticusser for the link.