Kicking off the new year…swiftly in the pants
It’s been a long holiday break from the blogosphere, but among my resolutions for the new year, I’ve determined to become a more committed blogger, feeding what I’m sure is a ravenous readership out there waiting to hear every word that proceeds from the Minds here at the Word. Sure, I could resolve to lose weight or to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, but I find that lost weight only seeks to be found again later, and on principle I refuse to associate myself with any mountain whose name begins with the syllables “Kill A Man.”Â
So instead I’m resolved to waste even more time with my butt glued to my computer chair, living in a fantasy digital world, and since I can’t pwn newbs at work, I SHALL BLOG!!! You may proceed henceforth to call me Monseigneur Jellybooty…NO NO! Captain Monseigneur Jellybooty!Â
Okay, okay, so I’ll probably just blog the same amount as usual, but I felt like I ought to pay some homage to 2009 as it begins, even if it is just lip service.
And for those of you who actually are part of the already loyal Word readership, here’s a little gem to start your year off on the right foot:
http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?Burglar_scared_off_by_man_dressed_as_Thor&in_article_id=457205&in_page_id=2
Thanks to Atticusser for the link.
January 6th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Oh! Man…I finally understand the metaphor of Lord of the Rings. It’s all about weight loss! See, Sauron became an evil Lord because he had been teased about being chubby as a kid. Finally, after many years of struggle, a certain personal fitness coach named Isildur “cut off” the extra weight…but sadly didn’t teach Sauron the proper methods for actually being rid of the weight forever (he didn’t “destroy” the weight).
So Sauron, despite his best efforts, was forever hounded by that extra “ring” of body fat, because after all, as they say, “it wants to be found.”
Then along come those meddling “Hobbits” (the analog for jelly donuts), carrying the ring with them straight into the belly of the beast (a thinly veiled reference to ingestion), into the very “heart of Mount Doom.”
And so fell Sauron, the analogous everyman who falls victim to heart disease and other ailments incident to the grave and gathering dangers of the obesity epidemic.
Man, and all this time I thought Lord of the Rings was a Hobbit love story. Boy was I wrong.
January 6th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
The article was fabulous, but the article linked at the bottom has it beat: “Woman who set husband’s testicles on fire charged with murder”. Remind me to never move to the UK where people dress in large quantities of tin foil and set their spouse’s privates on fire.