Founders Keepers
I saw this sign on the door of the rec center where Johnson had his first basketball game/sermon (another post perhaps) this morning. I contemplated making it a word of the moment entry,
Founder (n): Somebody what finded somethin’.
but the lack of punctuation (except for the inexplicable string of exclamation points at the end) and poor grammar make it almost impossible to determine the author’s intended meaning with any real confidence. Here are just a few of the possibilities:
- The author is stating that they lost their dog reward to the founder of the city of Fuquay-Varina (the city where the sign was posted), assumingly in some game of chance. What a “dog reward” is and what act was worthy of such a reward are unclear.
- The author is seeking help in locating a lost dog. Once the dog is returned, a reward will be given to the founder of the Baptist church (the owners of the rec center where the sign was posted). No compensation for the person who actually locates the dog is mentioned, but perhaps a dog reward would be in order.
- The author wishes to bestow upon one of the founders of our nation the reward of a lost dog. It is not clear which founding father is to be the beneficiary of said reward, but I think George Washington is the most likely candidate because he cannot tell a lie and would return the dog to it’s rightful owners immediately.
- A lost dog is offering a reward to anyone with experience running a foundry. Why the dog holds founders in such high esteem is uncertain, as is where it picked up it’s rudimentary word processing skills, but it certainly explains the poor english.
I could go on and on but I have to go look for a lost dog. I hear there’s a reward for the person who founds it!!!!! Maybe I should call Bob.
January 12th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
More importantly, the city was called Fuquay-Varina? Could this perhaps be the ancestral abode of the bloodline a certain Dr. [NAME REMOVED TO PREVENT THE SULLYING OF THE BLOG] Fuquay Esquire? And if so, what the crap were you doing there?
January 12th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
No, as far as I know he-who-must-not-be-named has never been there. But there is a noticeable lack of corn on the other side of fences. Hmmmm…
January 12th, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I have an alternate theory about the intent of the message: The poor dog pictured here lost his reward, which was clearly a Milk Bone brand flavored dog biscuit, to a fish, which probably jumped clean out of the water to snatch the aforementioned snack right out of the air as it was being tossed to the dog for doing something which pleased the dog’s master. The fish swam away with the Milk Bone, laughing in a dastardly manner, and the distress dog called out for help, “What kind of fish was that?”
The dog’s master, uncertain which was more baffling, the thieving fish or the talking dog, replied in a stammer, “L-l-looked like a f-f-flounder…”
But the dog in his distress misheard his master, and thought he said “Founder.”
The dog has been going about on a mission to receive justice from the thieving fish, posting his plight about the town, “Lost Dog Reward to the Founder!” and holding town hall meetings wherever people will hear him to air his grievances.
Clearly that’s why he looks so sad in the picture. You’d be sad too if some fish stole your Milk Bone.