Almost 2 weeks ago I did something that I’m pretty sure none of you, nor most people in America, were willing to do. I watched the premier of Harper’s Island on CBS. I’ll pause for a moment to allow for groans, mocking laughter and/or puzzled looks…

Then last week, I did what was most certainly not repeated by anyone else on the planet. I watched the second episode! And in the interest of full disclosure, I fully intend to watch episode 3 this Thursday as well. In fact, I have no intention of ceasing my viewership nor canceling my series recording. Why? Because taken at face value, the show is actually pretty fun to watch. And I mean that in the most Sci-Fi Original Pictures sense of the term.

The following is a rundown of the show’s most redeeming qualities:

• Archetypes Abound: Pretty much every character is taken from that virtual script in the sky for cheesy, overblown, melodramatic, shallow soon-to-be-redshirts. This is one area where the SFOP formula really shines through. We have the stuffy foreigner, the jaded local redneck, the star-crossed lovers, the brooding teen (2 of them), the soothsaying child, the frat boy buddies, the disapproving wealthy father-in-law, the square-jawed ex-boyfriend looking to spoil the wedding, etc, etc. They even managed to get an aging, has-been celebrity in Harry Hamlin to fill a cameo role, or what you might call a cameo if he wasn’t obviously so desperate for the work. Oddly enough, there’s no butler.
• Formulaic Plot Points: The show is literally a carbon copy of dozens of other murder mysteries done throughout the years.  That’s really what makes it work. You know what to expect, and you get it. It’s not an attempt to put a new spin on an old favorite. It IS the old favorite. A wedding that reunites a group of people on the site of a mass-murder spree by which they were all affected in some way? Classic.
• Gratuitous Jump Scenes: These are a given. Otherwise we would never be able to ask the question “why do people in tense movie moments always grab you on the shoulder or slap their hand over your mouth?” The best thing about these is how the writers try to justify them by having the characters say things like “I called your name but I guess you didn’t hear me”. Yeah right.
• Gratuitous Gore: In the first episode we had one person dismembered by a boat prop and one person chopped in half at the waist (that one was particularly gratifying, considering who the character was. SPOILER: It was Harry Hamlin aka Uncle Marty!) Bonus points are awarded here for brutality tempered with creativity.
• Gratuitous (Almost) Hanky-Panky: OK, I’m not really looking for this, but of course there couldn’t be a murder if somebody didn’t decide to go skinny-dipping or get busy in the woods.
• Unlikely Setting: Speaking of woods, how about an Island with an old Inn, a picturesque lighthouse, few residents, and acres and acres of unexplored deep woods that apparently must be crossed for any character to reach any other destination.
• Quality Acting: OK, this is tongue in cheek, but the acting is not so bad (save for a few characters) that you can’t stand to watch. It’s just bad enough. Couple this with the next point, and you’re playing with house money.
• Ridiculous Dialogue: How else can you highlight the bad acting?
• Even More Ridicuous Accents: There’s really only one of these, but it’s a doozy.
• A Director Who Can Somehow Pull It All Together: Jon Turteltaub. Unfortunately, he’s only onboard for a couple of episodes as director, but at least he’ll still be around as Exec. Producer.
• BONUS – Webisodes: I haven’t watched these but they’re on harpersglobe.com.

Ultimately, I think what works for this show is the fact that it doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously. As Simon Cowell would say, it knows what it is. It’s campy. It’s ridiculous. It’s awesome! The only thing the CBS executives missed is putting CSI: in front of the title. That might just prove to be it’s ratings downfall. And if it gets canceled and I never find out whodunit, I’ll be ticked. So start watching!

And for what it’s worth, my money is on the sheriff.

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