Fortunately for the rest of us, they’ll never overcome their game-universe rivalries in order to band together, or we’d have a real problem on our hands. Also, the fact that they’ve decided to arm themselves with precise replicas from video games and comic books pretty much wins the battle for our side, as you’ll see from the videos below.
#3 – Retractable Wolverine claws: These are actually pretty cool, and would make great accessories for Halloween. The guy might even seem dangerous were it not for his having chosen to demonstrate his weapons by leaping (with the help of a discreetly placed exercise trampoline in the background, you’ll notice) fiercely at an unsuspecting cardboard box perched precariously on a cheap barstool in his dorm room.
#2 – Lancer Rifle with Chainsaw Bayonet (Gears of War): This is probably the most overtly dangerous one of the bunch, as it fires actual bullets. However, as the pumpkins aptly demonstrate, if you hold perfectly still, the wielder stands pretty much a .0001% chance of actually hitting you as he’s rushing toward you and firing into the log at your feet. When he gets close enough to use the “chainsaw bayonet” you might be in trouble, so I recommend using the convenient pause in combat while he starts up the little motor on his mom’s limb trimmer to either run away or kick the guy in his man parts.
#1 – Cloud Buster Sword (Final Fantasy 7): Again, the first impression is very menacing, especially with the straight from the highlands Scottish blacksmith guy running at you and screaming with that giant sword. But wait for it…wait for it…The real danger here is when he gets you laughing so hard that you forget to dodge during one of the 30 second periods during which he’s working the blade into what you might call a swing.
So know this, nerds: I’M ON TO YOU!