Thanks to the crack reporting staff at Fox News, not only do we know about the heinously unethical (and likely illegal) behavior of the junior high school district of America’s hero-du-jour, pilot “Sully” Sullenberger, but we can actually peruse the documents which they “accidentally” released to the public! Check out the highlighted area in the image below (click to enlarge):

So if the school district scores an “F”, what does Fox News get? An “E” for enabling? A “P” for perpetuating? How about an “A+” for aiding and abetting? The best part is, I saw this last week and the story is still there complete with documents. I guess the irony still hasn’t dawned on them.

Hey, at least they’re being nice to the guy while they trample on his right to privacy. How about this glowing piece of totally relevant information: “His IQ qualified him for the ‘genius society’ Mensa when he was just 12 years old.” Sadly, the collective IQ at Fox News is apparently equivalent to a more typical 12 year old. One with severe learning disabilities. Maybe they should hire Sully to rescue them from their own stupidity. Whaddaya say, Sully? All they need is your Social Security Number.

Enter SSN here:

Text of problem #16 on my 10-year-old son’s math homework tonight:

Seventeen fourth-grade students sing in the school chorus. At performances they stand on risers. Each riser holds a group of 9 students. How many groups can stand on one riser?

Uh… one?

The more they stay the same, I guess.

Here we are, in the 21st century, at the height of the technology revolution, where invention and innovation are as much a part of the every day as high tea once was in times gone by.

With so many advances in computer graphics, video, animation and 3D modeling, this is what we’re doing with our enlightenment.

I guess this qualifies as “green” technology?

Call it Poor Man’s Steadicam.

This one for the golfer who has everything…well, almost everything.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwU8n4AOQl0

Again, special thanks to Atticusser and Dave Barry for bringing us such gems as these.  For more great gift ideas, be sure to check out all of Dave Barry’s Gift Guide 2008.

Just when we thought the Snuggie was onto something, somebody out there started to REALLY think outside the box.

Be sure to check out the video demonstration, simulating real-life product usage.

Special thanks to Atticusser, Dave Barry, and Claire Martin of Denver, Co., all of whom had a hand in bringing this to the Last Blog (in reverse order).

“OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii………….”

NOTE: You may want to turn down the volume just to deaden the french camera operator’s shrill screams.

DOUBLE NOTE: Mrhattyhat astutely points out that, since the video is french, he may have actually been thinking “Ah Meeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrddeeeee!”

They say that necessity is the mother of invention, but I think the real mother of invention is rampant commercialization.  I don’t mean “commercialization” in the sense of attributing monetary value to anything and everything, but rather the unchecked spread of television commercials.  I think people these days pretty much think, “If I can only get on a TV commercial, I’ll sell like gangbusters!”  And then they go on to think of some sort of product that their commercial can feature.

If you don’t believe me, just have a look at this product: The Snuggie. 

No, it’s not a device to yank your underwear up into your crack.  It’s a blanket…WITH SLEEVES!  I can picture the inventor sitting there thinking, “I’m cold, and I’m lazy.  If only I didn’t have to remove this blanket from my arms to answer the phone or read or knit or cuddle.  Curse you, traditional blanket!  Curse you and your inflexible warming method!” 

But then one day, the lightning of genius strikes this person.  Getting out of the shower, he mistakenly puts his bathrobe on backwards and… “ZOWIE! Somebody get me a TV commercial!”

(Thanks to Krista for pointing this out to me before it showed up on my Hotmail.)

Let me get this straight: You think that one of the richest, most powerful men in the world, is secretly a vigilante who spends his nights beating criminals to a pulp with his bare hands, and your plan is to sue this person? Good luck.

UPDATE: This excellent and completely not pretend piece of journalism just in from the courtroom artist in the Batman suit (no, he’s not wearing the suit. It’s a lawsuit. Oh nevermind):

Barack (6)  Hussein (7)  Obama (5)

6 + 7 + 5 = 18

(18/3 = 6) = (6 * 3 = 18)

Barack Hussein Obama = 666

Case closed.