I am Atticusser. I need no introduction. At least not to the five of you (so far) who actually read this blog. Well, tough! You’re getting one anyway! Yes, I know I’m slow but I’m waaaaaaaaaay out here in North Carolina. I’m so far away in fact that the Earth actually rotates the opposite direction here. News doesn’t reach me very fast what with all the spam and adult content clogging up the internet tubes. So please to excuse my belatedness, but it is not my fault. We’re still using the Pony Express to deliver email in these parts. Plus, there’s global warming.

But on the the intro. Most days you can find me in a meeting or heading to a meeting or wondering whether I’m supposed to be in a meeting. You can also find me being in North Carolina, which I already pointed out but of which sometimes I have to remind myself. It is a different time here than where you are (unless you are also here, in which case can you tell me what time it is?) My nick is actually a nick of a nick. I actually prefer to go by Atticus. But as others have also experienced, just try to register the name “Atticus” on any service. Not gonna happen. Even Atticusser was taken on Yahoo, which was perplexing. It probably belongs to me but I don’t remember the password.

You won’t be hearing from me every day. But that’s OK. One less stream of consciousness “today I feel sleepy” post cluttering up the internet. I’m not going to complain about the price of gas unless I have something novel to add and I’m not going to tell you what’s on my IPod right now (but if you want to discuss my plans for the IPood, I am always available). My motto is “quality over quantity and in the absence of quality, celebrity endorsement”.

“I didn’t say garlic. I said Garlique!” - Larry King

If that doesn’t convince you, nothing will. Now don’t bother me. I’m in a meeting.

I’m only kind of a geek. For being a professional geek, I’m not that geeky. I’m not really into gadgets or mobile computing. I have tried the texting, but I’m not into it all that much. I don’t read Slashdot or white papers or other technical publications. I basically spend my weekdays in the world of computers (pronounced com-PYOO-ters) only long enough to support my golf habit.

Funny thing is, I’m not that good a golfer either. I mean, I’m pretty good, relatively speaking (I’m an 8 for those interested), but I’m not turning pro this year or anything. The important thing is that this year I’m better than I was last year, a trend which has persisted for the past 6 years or so, which is about as long as I’ve been golfing very seriously.

I can’t imagine a more perfect life, however. Well, obviously if we’re talking about no-holds-barred ideals, I can imagine some improvements. For one thing, I’d be a heck of a lot richer. And my abs would be harder, like in the old days of 23. But considering the reality of the world we live in, I really couldn’t be much happier. My wife is stunning and brilliant and funny and all the things most men only wish for. We have a humble little home in a great neighborhood, surrounded by good people and golf courses. For the most part I work on my own terms.

Some might say my existence is kind of unremarkable, even boring. To you I say, only from the outside looking in.

I guess I should comment on the name. It comes from a 7-year-old Chinese boy that I met in Montreal some years ago. He had a large collection of stuffed animals, all of unique and imaginative names. This particular one was a bear with a funny hat on. I asked his name, to which the boy replied, “Mr. Hatty Hat.”

“Oh, Mr. Haddy Hat,” I said, softening the T’s as we American’s are wont to do in pronouncing T’s.

“No!” he corrected sternly. “Mr. HaTTy Hat,” making sure to emphasize the hard T sound.

Needless to say, I never made that mistake again, and I have been true to the integrity of the name ever since, correcting those who would mispronounce it.

Like in the case of my friend and fellow Word conspirator, Donjuanica, when I it came time to register a name on IM and other web services, I had difficulty finding anything remotely related to my real name that wasn’t taken. So, in a fit of frustration, I tried MrHattyHat. No suprise, it worked.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

P.S. I’m far and away the funniest of the Word bunch, so read us all, but if you’re looking for something to really laugh at, look at me.

I’m a self professed geek currently employed at Omniture.  I’m an entrepreneur at heart but I can’t seem to break away from the man (the current man treats me pretty well though…Omniture is a fun place to work).  I’m 30-something and living the American Dream — complete with wife, suburban home, 1.6 kids (rounded up) and 2 SUVs.

I like to run, bike, golf, play Guitar player wannabe video games (GH*, Rock Band) and spend time with the family.  I’m working on a SWEET business plan that will make me (and Thor) rich and famous.

The nickname Donjuanica started as Donjuan but that name was always taken whenever I tried to sign up for a new web service.  It was also much too generous in describing my success with the fairer sex.  The “ica” was added while joking around about the Adam Sandler Channukah song at a company holiday party.  Now, if you google Donjuanica chances are you’ll find me.

My posts will be better than the other Last Wordicans so set up a filter now.

I Watch: Lost, The Office, Supernatural, American Idol, Bones, Law and Order, Scrubs.

I Read: The Lord of the Rings (again), Prince Caspian (again), A Train to Potevka

I Play: Unreal Tournament 2004, Titan Quest, Anything by Blizzard Entertainment, Settlers of Catan.

I Am: A storyteller in the form of creative fiction (mostly novels), critical of grammar and spelling errors (especially in digital media where people seem to throw such things to the winds), easily bored.

I Have: A smokin’ hot wife and a dang freaking awesome little boy.

That should be enough to scratch the surface, but if you want to know the real me, well I guess you’ll just have to tune in regularly.  I figure sooner or later I’ll put a little too much of myself into this blog and it will become an entity unto itself.  Then we’ll end up in a battle to the death to determine which of us has the right to be the only me.  It will be very confusing.  I’m thinking of getting Jean Claude Van Damme to play me in the movie, because he seems to play two versions of himself a lot.