First, from the Unfortunately Hilarious Names category:

Say what you will about the guy, but if my…uh…”boys” could say anything I’d be pretty freaked out.  I certainly wouldn’t ask them to take on responsibilities for funding of any kind.  They tend to make bad decisions anyway, if left to their own wiles.

Next, from the “Ooo, it’s that creepy eye!” category.

Ok, it’s more like “Ooo, it’s that creepy mouth,” but you get the idea.  That comment comes from an old Letterman commercial on CBS (hence the “eye” thing), and I captured this shot from a YouTube video of a Conan clip, so there’s that too.  You have to look at it just right, but the serendipitous line-up of those eyes and that bracey mouth was just a little too good to pass up.

Finally for my favorite, which needs no set up or commentary:

If you missed it, it’s headline number 3.  Oh!  Wouldn’t have been just that much better if it had been number 2?  Oh well…I guess you can’t win ‘em all.

P.S. In other news, WordPress’s WYSYWIG editor fully SUCKS!  Stop changing my code!!

Review: FireFly / Serenity

MightyThor’s Rating: 4 / 5 FireFly Class Spaceships

Firefly wasn’t on TV for long, but built a big cult following, and the fans of it are devoted.  I thought the show was pretty good, getting better as it went along, but the movie Serenity that spun off from it was excellent, one of the better Sci-Fi outings I’ve seen in a long time.  I recommend watching the TV show episodes first (there are only about 15 of them) to get the full flavor of the show, which really adds to the movie, but all in all, definitely worth watching.

Review: Eragon

MightyThor’s Rating: 2.5 / 5 Dragons

It was a pretty average fantasy movie.  Honestly, it was better than I expected, and based on the terribly written book it was drawing from (which I could only choke down about half of), you might call it an admirable adaptation, but in the end it was no better than average.  I didn’t love it or hate it.

Review: The Last Legion

MightyThor’s Rating: 1.5 / 5 Excaliburs

This was a really lame movie from top to bottom.  You know how studios do that lame copycat thing where they release the same movies under different titles to piggyback off each other?  (Think Rob Roy vs. Braveheart, Wyatt Earp vs Tombstone, Volcano vs. Dante’s Peak, The Arrival vs. Independence Day etc.)  Well this was a really poor answer to King Arthur, I think.  The acting was lame, the fight coreography was innane, the plot was weak.  You’re casting Colin Firth as the lead action hero and hoping Sir Ben Kingsley can save the day by his mere presence, but unfortunately Kingsley’s credibility isn’t too high with me anymore after he somehow agreed to do Bloodrayne.  At any rate, skip this one.

Review: Twilight

MightyThor’s Rating: 2.5 / 5 Vampire Teeth

I was fully expecting to hate the crap out of this movie, because I read the book, and to put it kindly, I hated the crap out of it.  That’s not entirely fair.  In truth, I never should have read it, because I am clearly not the target audience, and whatever I have to say against it, Stephanie Meyers knows exactly who she’s writing for.  But I actually liked the movie better than the book, mostly because the movie was able to distill the pages and pages of teen vampire love angst (”Oh Edward!  Oh Edward!  He touched me, and my breath caught in my…*HURL!*) down into a manageable few moments.  There are still a lot of aspects of the whole Twilight story that come through in the same way that I hated from the book, but by virtue of cutting away all the excess to fit the story into a movie frame, the movie was much more tolerable than the book.

Review: Live Free or Die Hard

MightyThor’s Rating: 3.5 / 5 Exploding Computers

Exploding computers, you ask?  Well yes, because that’s what this movie is, really.  The same old formula of Bruce Willis blowing stuff up or running from stuff blowing up, but this time, the enemy is a sophisticated and COMPLETELY PLAUSIBLE cyber-terrorist.  You just have to set aside all the ridiculousness of the plot and watch this movie for what it is: a glut of action.  I knew all along how awesomely lame the stunts and plot twists were, but I was quite entertained all the same, and I thought this one was better than Die Hard 2 and 3.

I have a few more to do, but this post is lengthy already, so I’ll add next ones another time.

Then last week, I did what was most certainly not repeated by anyone else on the planet. I watched the second episode! And in the interest of full disclosure, I fully intend to watch episode 3 this Thursday as well. In fact, I have no intention of ceasing my viewership nor canceling my series recording. Why? Because taken at face value, the show is actually pretty fun to watch. And I mean that in the most Sci-Fi Original Pictures sense of the term.

The following is a rundown of the show’s most redeeming qualities:

• Archetypes Abound: Pretty much every character is taken from that virtual script in the sky for cheesy, overblown, melodramatic, shallow soon-to-be-redshirts. This is one area where the SFOP formula really shines through. We have the stuffy foreigner, the jaded local redneck, the star-crossed lovers, the brooding teen (2 of them), the soothsaying child, the frat boy buddies, the disapproving wealthy father-in-law, the square-jawed ex-boyfriend looking to spoil the wedding, etc, etc. They even managed to get an aging, has-been celebrity in Harry Hamlin to fill a cameo role, or what you might call a cameo if he wasn’t obviously so desperate for the work. Oddly enough, there’s no butler.
• Formulaic Plot Points: The show is literally a carbon copy of dozens of other murder mysteries done throughout the years.  That’s really what makes it work. You know what to expect, and you get it. It’s not an attempt to put a new spin on an old favorite. It IS the old favorite. A wedding that reunites a group of people on the site of a mass-murder spree by which they were all affected in some way? Classic.
• Gratuitous Jump Scenes: These are a given. Otherwise we would never be able to ask the question “why do people in tense movie moments always grab you on the shoulder or slap their hand over your mouth?” The best thing about these is how the writers try to justify them by having the characters say things like “I called your name but I guess you didn’t hear me”. Yeah right.
• Gratuitous Gore: In the first episode we had one person dismembered by a boat prop and one person chopped in half at the waist (that one was particularly gratifying, considering who the character was. SPOILER: It was Harry Hamlin aka Uncle Marty!) Bonus points are awarded here for brutality tempered with creativity.
• Gratuitous (Almost) Hanky-Panky: OK, I’m not really looking for this, but of course there couldn’t be a murder if somebody didn’t decide to go skinny-dipping or get busy in the woods.
• Unlikely Setting: Speaking of woods, how about an Island with an old Inn, a picturesque lighthouse, few residents, and acres and acres of unexplored deep woods that apparently must be crossed for any character to reach any other destination.
• Quality Acting: OK, this is tongue in cheek, but the acting is not so bad (save for a few characters) that you can’t stand to watch. It’s just bad enough. Couple this with the next point, and you’re playing with house money.
• Ridiculous Dialogue: How else can you highlight the bad acting?
• Even More Ridicuous Accents: There’s really only one of these, but it’s a doozy.
• A Director Who Can Somehow Pull It All Together: Jon Turteltaub. Unfortunately, he’s only onboard for a couple of episodes as director, but at least he’ll still be around as Exec. Producer.
• BONUS – Webisodes: I haven’t watched these but they’re on harpersglobe.com.

Ultimately, I think what works for this show is the fact that it doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously. As Simon Cowell would say, it knows what it is. It’s campy. It’s ridiculous. It’s awesome! The only thing the CBS executives missed is putting CSI: in front of the title. That might just prove to be it’s ratings downfall. And if it gets canceled and I never find out whodunit, I’ll be ticked. So start watching!

And for what it’s worth, my money is on the sheriff.

In that vein, I’ve been meaning to start posting my “now on video” reviews ever since I subscribed to Netflix and started catching up on all the movies I haven’t seen in the theater since we had a kid and stopped going to the movies.  So here we go, short and sweet, one review per post, starting with my most recently viewed and going backwards.

Review: Australia

MightyThor’s Rating: 3 / 5 Didgeridoos

We watched Australia just a few nights ago, and it was pretty good.  It wasn’t anything earth-shattering for good or ill, but I enjoyed it all right.  Hugh Jackman was good, as was Nicole Kidman, especially once her character evolved past the stereotypical headstrong, obnoxious noble-born Brit.  The Aboriginal kid Nullah really stole the show, but that was cool; the writers did right by him with his unique manner of speech, so he was fun to watch.  I thought they played his part up just right, without overplaying it in a movie that would be classified as a saga, where everything is meant to be very Gone With the Wind-esque in its emotional impact.

I thought the film was pretty visually interesting too, fitting a certain style that seemed appropriate to the era depicted and the vision Baz Luhrmann was shooting for.  It did have its own sense of high-mindedness about the treatment of the Aboriginal people, which was pretty much a backdrop to the story, but I didn’t feel so hit over the head with it as I might have, which was good.  So all in all, I’d say I liked it. I wouldn’t run out and buy it, but I wouldn’t recommend against watching it either.

Unfortunately, Cavernous Pitts didn’t qualify, so I’m putting my money on Pierre Champoux (probably because it reminds me of Pierre Tin-Hat).

Sorry Joystiq, we can no longer be friends.

What kind of blog are we running here? Are we actually in Canada? Are my comments being exported without my knowledge or consent? I’ve been had! My congressperson will hear of this!

This is my least favo(u)rite spell checker ever.

UPDATE: This might also be a good post in which to point out that the image uploader doesn’t work (at least for Firefox on Linux) unless you know how to hack the CSS. Curse you low quality foreign products!

So based on the shows I expressed interest in previously, here’s how the season has shaken down:

1. Fringe: Fox keeps calling it their smash hit, but I gave up on it early, and I think MrHattyHat is generally right about it, though I don’t feel so strongly as he does.
2. Knight Rider: I cannot express strongly enough my surprise that this lasted beyond the pilot, which I choked down 15 minutes of before my brain sprouted hands through my ears in order to poke out my eyes.
3. Life on Mars: Pretty lame.  Journeyman was way more interesting by the time it got cancelled.  Dropped it from the DVR after two episodes.
4. Kath & Kim: Not nearly as funny as it might have been.  Dropped it after one episode.
5. My Own Worst Enemy: I dropped this one after four or five episodes, and then it was cancelled.  It had potential but was way too convoluted. 
6. Eleventh Hour: I never actually watched this one.  Too derivative of CSI.
7. Crusoe: By the time this premiered, it was plain to see it was way too closer to the Charmed side of the production value scale, and not near enough to the Rome side, as it was supposed to be.
8. Kings (NBC: Winter): This one’s about to start, but it looks much less interesting now than it sounded before.  I doubt I’ll bother with it.

Other shows I’m watching that are coming back:

1. Bones: Still watching this one.  It probably fits the same criteria as MrHattyHat’s description of 24, but I’m interested in the characters now.  By and large, it’s ridiculous, but still entertaining.  I think the same way about House, which I now watch on USA once in a while.
2. Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: I liked this show, but I just never made time for it.  I would probably get it from Netflix sometime and catch up on it.
3. Supernatural: I’m still into this show, but it gets bumped all the time because Thursday is too crowded.  I’ll catch up online.
4. Heroes: Emphatically dropped.
5. Chuck: Still good, still watching. 
6. The Office: I like that its short and funny.  I laughed my butt off after the Super Bowl when Angela threw her cat up into the ceiling.
7. Life: I’m glad this show is seeing a revival.  It’s one of my current favorites.  Charlie Crews is a great character.
8. Pushing Daisies: Still love the writing.  Still watching.
9. CSI: I still like this show, but I haven’t been able to watch much because it’s on crowded Thursdays.  I need to catch up on what I’ve missed.  I think Laurence Fishburne has taken the place of the departed William “Gil Grissom” Petersen, which is a shame, because he was good on the show.
10. Lost: I’m of pretty much the same mind as MrHattyHat on Lost.  I used to really love this show, but its harder and harder to follow.  I’m still invested in the characters, but its starting to lose its grip on me.  The fact that they have to make a whole other show called Lost: Untangled just to explain the show to people can’t be a good thing.  They’ve made the mistake of stretching the mysteries out over too much time, and now when they try to make these big reveals, people just scratch their heads, trying to remember why that particular revelation was significant.  I’m still watching, but its getting closer to the edge.